


Canvas Isn't Enough

by Kymiex



Series: Canvas and Paint (Can't Contain Him) [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Art School, Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 18:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7855909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kymiex/pseuds/Kymiex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sun is just beginning to peek over the mountains in the distance, and the early dawn casting just enough light into the car to outline Dean's features. It's this moment- This vulnerable moment in the half-light of dawn that breaks Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Canvas Isn't Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little continuation of the last story I posted, Paint Doesn't Cut It. Realistically you don't have to have read that one for this to make sense, but I'd appreciate it if you did!
> 
> For reference, this is set during the first episode, on the drive back to Sam's school.

Sam doesn't open his eyes when he first wakes up. It's soothing, the familiar rumble of the engine, Dean's music playing softly in the background. This is home to him, this familiarity, and he hadn't realized he missed it so badly until now. In the seat beside him, Dean is singing softly along with the song playing, and he drums his fingers in the steering wheel in time with the bassline. 

Sam had grown up in this car. His whole life was made up of little moments like this. But it wasn't just being back in the Impala that made him choke up when he thought about the time limit this trip had. 

He shifts in his seat, keeping his eyes closed as Dean's soft singing falters. He knew his brother was looking over at him, making sure he was still asleep, and after a moment, Sam felt his blanket being tugged up where it had slid down from his shoulder. It was only when he hears Dean's soft humming resume that he finally opens his eyes, just slightly. 

The sun is just beginning to peek over the mountains in the distance, and the early dawn casting just enough light into the car to outline Dean's features. His eyes are trained to the road, his hair messy where he had probably run his hand through it as he drove. 

It's moments like this that Sam has spent so much of his life dedicated to capturing, whether it be through ink, through paint, or whatever other medium he can get his hands on, but it's always been pointless, in his eyes. There's something about Dean that paint and canvas just can't convey, and he knows he could spend his whole life trying and still wouldn't be able to capture even a fraction of it.

The song changes, and Dean begins to mouth along with Janis' raspy voice playing over the speakers. 'Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train..' 

It's this moment- This vulnerable moment in the half-light of dawn that breaks Sam. He knew, deep down, when he agreed to leave with Dean, that he wouldn't be coming back to school. It's only hammered home that much more as Dean starts to sing again. 'Y'know feelin' good was good enough for me, good enough for me and my Bobby McGee..' 

He was doomed from the moment Dean broke into his apartment. No matter how far he tried to run, where he went and what he did to try to escape. He was tied to this life, tied to Dean. There's nothing he can do to get away from it, and in an instant, everything comes crashing back to him.

Sam sits up in his seat, one hand flying to his mouth. He feels sick, and he's only distantly aware of his brother jumping slightly at Sam's sudden movement. 'Whoa, shit, Sammy. Hey, you okay? Sammy?' Dean keeps talking to him, but Sam tunes it out. 

He feels like he's going to throw up. The familiar ache in his chest, this sick feeling. It was all he knew, whenever he was around his brother, for years. He had hoped that maybe.. Maybe if he got away from Dean, if he ran away from this life, perhaps those feelings would fade. He knew he would never have a happy ending. A hunter never does- whether you try to get out of the life or you stay, hunters never die of old age. It was just an awful truth of the job. But he thought he could, at least, try to have a happy life. 

Getting away from his brother was the only way He could ever have a shot at a normal life, but God. How could he tell Dean that? How could he tell his brother- His only friend, the only person that had always been there for him, who had tucked him in when John wouldn't, who bandaged his scraped knees and who scared away the monster under the bed, that he was just as sick and twisted as the monsters they hunted? 

Sam's jerked out of his thoughts as Dean grabs his shoulders. 'Sammy!' Sam looks up at Dean. The Impala is pulled onto the side of the road, and Dean is standing at Sam's open door, clutching his shoulders tightly. Dean's eyes are wide with fear, and Sam grasps his brother's wrists. 'Sammy, I'm here, talk to me, man, c'mon. Say something, Sammy, anything.' Sam opens his mouth to croak out a response- Something to reassure his brother that everything's fine, that he's fine, like countless times before. But it doesn't come out. 

'I-.. I'm sorry, Dean.'

Sam only manages to keep his composure long enough to see the confusion in Dean's eyes before he's breaking down. Years of pent up anger, grief and hurt collapse inside of Sam, and he can do nothing but fall forward into Dean's embrace and break down.

He isn't sure how long he spends tucked against his brother's chest, shaking with his sobs and clutching Dean's shirt, wailing his heartbreak into the early light of dawn. All he knows for a while is how tightly Dean clings to him, whispering things in his ear- He thinks at first his brother tries to talk to him, to figure out what's going on in Sam's head, but after a while he just talks to him. Things ranging from stories about hunts Dean's been on to just mumbled song lyrics. 

Sam eventually loosens his grip, hiccuping softly against Dean's neck, and he opens his eyes. They're sitting in the dirt, and Dean's back is against the Impala, cradling Sam to his chest. He looks so tired in the morning light as Sam looks up at him, but Dean smiles at him when he feels Sam stir. His music is still drifting softly from the speakers as he starts to speak. 

'Hey, little brother.' Dean's voice is soft, and it's something Sam is grateful for. 'You, uh. You get it all worked out?' 

Sam doesn't answer. He can't. He'll never know what makes him do it, no matter how many times he goes over it in his head later, but Dean gives him a strange little smile, and he makes up his mind. 'Sammy, what's-' Dean cuts himself off with a small gasp as Sam's lips press against his, and Sam feels his heart break. In that single moment, in the simple act of closing the distance between them, Sam feels his life collapsing around him, his life going supernova. 

Dean's grip tightens on his younger brother's shoulders, and Sam pulls back, flinching away from the punch he expects. When it doesn't come, he looks back up at Dean, not expecting the heartbreak he sees on his brother's face. 

'S-Sam..?' 

He wants to run. He's caused so much hurt already, and seeing it on Dean's face just isn't something he can handle. Dean's grip on him tightens when he shifts to get away, keeping him anchored against his chest. 'Dean, please, let me go.' His voice shakes, and he feels tears welling up in his eyes again. He tries again, pulling himself from Dean's grip, and he has to fight when his brother grabs him again. 

'No. No, Sammy, I-' He can't meet his brother's eyes, not after what he's done. 'Dean, I'm sorry, I can't s-' Dean's voice is wrecked when he speaks, and a single word is enough to make Sam go still. 

'Please.' 

Sam doesn't say anything, doesn't move, and Dean takes his chance. 'Please, Sammy. Look, I.. I'm not.. Any good with the chick flick moments, y'know.. But. But don't go. Pl-' His voice breaks, and Dean almost looks like he's going to cry. He's shaking, he keeps readjusting his grip on Sam's sleeves, like he knows Sam will run if he has the chance. 

'Please. Don't leave. We can.. It's gonna be okay. We can work through it, or we can-.. Whatever you want. Ignore it, or if you want to.. To-.. We'll make it work, Sammy. We can make it work.' 

He doesn't think they can. Dean doesn't understand what he's offering Sam, he couldn't possibly understand the years of torture Sam has put himself through because of the way he felt about his brother. But.. But Dean's offering him a chance. A chance for Sam to either work through his feelings for Dean and get over them, or die trying. He doesn't think it will work. But if Dean's willing to try? Then they'll make it work. That's all they can do.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I kinda wrote this as a spur of the moment thing to get it out of my head. I'm probably gonna come back to do some editing here and there so I'm sorry if it seems rushed! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
